needles in my eyes

It finally dawned on me during breakfast that 20 days are left till I move out.20.
And that's not alot.

What ensued needs no guesses.

Sigh.

Does the 'Akhri Salaam' make you sad and depressed?
Do you feel the Muharaam air during the 'akhri salaam' time?

I do.

So basically we are not shia, yet, my mum loves to watch Akhri Salaam.

It's just SO depressing. And no I don' feel you my shia brother/sister.

Whatever.

Also, don't you just love it when you don't have to answer? No. More like you do hav to answer but, you don't and the other person just ignores that and walks away making you feel so accomplished? Not because you hate or even have the modest feelings of dislike towards that person but, just because, this silence speaks for itself so much?

Don't you just love it?
Don't you?

And the count down begins

One month left for the big day!!
I don't know if I should be screaming with joy or sulking in a corner thinking my days in this house are about to come to an end. I've seen most girls cry and sulk before the big day and I wonder when the 'baabul ki duain' phase will begin for me.

I still can't feel the depressing air. Or may be I am just too excited to start my new life with the hubby.The whole deal of living with your best friend for the rest of your life is a bliss. Isn't it? I'm so thankful that God has me given me a man who I can call my best friend, my confidant, my annoying pal, my partner in crime, my baby and everything I can ever ask for. I know now, after these 2 years that what was missing. What had always been missing. I was so so stupid to have been seeking for 'you' else where.

This all makes sense now! All the dots join! =)

So all the preparations are complete, Alhumdulillah! Oh nahi nahi I almost forgot one major prep. MY EXAMS!!

2 papers in this attempt and then 4 more in June? Ha! I don't think so. How was I ever going to study? I mean 8 days left for exam and I am not prepared but you can't blame me now can you? Wedding functions start from the 24th and last exam on the 13th. Jokes they be playing on me I tell you.

But that's not what is on my mind right now. I'm gonna flunk in at least one and the hubby is with me in this. So the plan is I flunk and he pays next and supports me through out if I flunk again. No, I'm just kidding.

3 hours since I heard the gun shots. Still can't get them out of my head. The sound is still ringing. The pan wala who owns a cabin downstairs just adjacent to my apartment's other gate is said to be looted, shot and then abducted. His cabin has been there since more than 10 years.

Numb.

I want to puke my insides out.

All Things Gory

I am living in a city of cannibals; breathing an air filled with remorse and the stench of blood. The word 'depressing' does not suffice in the present situation. I can only word my emotions which might sound as artificial as any other person reading a newspaper and then sighing over the fact that we live in such a rotten potty place. I can't even begin to imagine the horrible state of the people related to those who are dead, whose bodies they go on searching and come home with not their loved ones but a bag full of  chopped pieces of the deceased body.
Yes, it's today that I understood the brutal meaning of 'bori bandh laash'  I always thought they just put the body in a sack but it's not like that. They don't even shoot that poor person dead. The person is cut and chopped into pieces. That is how they kill them.
How can anybody be that bloodthirsty? So in human? It's sickening. SICKENING!!
I don't know how we can go about living in this place. Screw patriotism really! Won't you- if offered- run out of this place if given the opportunity?
I wish I was powerful and rich like that. I would fund each and every family and would ask them all to run away. To empty this city and leave it in the hands of those cannibals to feed on each other!

I don't cook

I don't. Sachi! Kabhi bhi nahi.

Just your normal desserts like cake, brownies and that candi biscuit and pineapple thing and the oh-so-awesome choco-cheese cake. But, that is all about it. Other than that I don't. And that's not even cooking, more like baking and refrigerating.

So I'm gonna be tying the knot 'literally' this December, right? Right! And I can't cook. That is not even of concern since the in-laws have bina auntie to cook and everything but bhui! Mujhe tou pyaaz kaatna bhi nahi ata.

That's shameful.

My cosin is 8 and she can make aalu ki bhujia.
I'm 21!
I can make parathas though, but, I never fry them.

Not that I'm spoilt or anything even close to that.

A girl should know how to cook. Even the husband can cook. Sharam karo RIDA!!

So, today I made salan. Chicken ka salan. And I learnt alot, really, like, potatoes are a bitch to peel, onions are a pain to chop and most of it all I DON'T ENJOY COOKING.

Bas. Khatam hogai baat.

Namaloom musallah motor cycle sawar!

Now, if you are living in Karachi, there is no way that you might have succeeded in escaping from an encounter- of any sort- with these men. If you say you have, you must belong to THAT part of the country and not us.

Although it’s been a decade since I last ran in to one of these men , it’s been almost a week that they woke me up from my sweet slumber. I had been soundlessly asleep in my bed when, I heard gun shots which sounded as if they might be coming from the next room but, thankfully they were just downstairs on the road.

Thankfully, yes.  Because, these days you ought to be thankful if there are crazy people on the road, shooting aimlessly and not at you,despite the fact that they might just aim your window this time instead of the street light that overlooks your window. Because, it could’ve been the shop downstairs on fire and not the one across the street. Because the Quetta hotel- ashes right now- could just have been in your building. Thankful because, the gun shots stopped at 6:30 in the morning and The na-maloom musallah mortor cycle sawar  were nice enough to let you sleep after a hell of a night.

Thankful because, even though bleak, you do see an opportunity  to leave this crazy place for good.

ACCA blues!

I've spent most of my ACCA life crying over how I don't belong here, how ACCA is not for me and how I totally detest myself for getting into this mess. Well, now, I've decided that it's time to stop my harping. And why not? I have finally realised,thanks to the hubby for his constant motivating lectures, that it is, after all , I, who is going to benefit from it- BIG TIME!

ACCA might be boring, with no room for innovation and might also be the most dry course of this world- it is going to pay me good. If I work, that is, and if I do not decide to drop out in the end, which I'm most likely to if, the husband stops pushing me around for this particular reason. Which he won't- hopefully. As it is, I will obviously have no issues in staying at home and serving the husband chapatis when, the very likes of my species are all ambitious and shit. I used to be that, though, once upon a time..

So, anyway, the very thought of the husband's motivating lectures and the amount of time, that is spent on trying to get my head in the books by the poor lad, is exactly what is making me study these days.

And hence, I make peace with the preposterous thought, that I will be one of the proud members of ACCA some day. Hopefully, inshAllah!

Blessed!

He didn't show up. Not that I already didn't know he won't.
So it's been a year and I'm not going to go all cliche saying ohhh how time flies but I can't help it because it does fly. This year was undoubtedly one of the best years of my life. And I'm sure many more awesome years are yet to come.
Three more months, another three and we shall be together, living our own life =)
Insha'Allah =)
Happy Anni, love =)
and thank you for tolerating my crap for all these months.
I am blessed, indeed!

Of being nikahofied

I had never thought being married would be sho much fun. I know how I avoided writing posts about my engaged/married life in my previous posts cuz I just didn't find it right for some odd reason. But now I know I was just being stupid.

So, there's going to be a lot of bragging from now on =P I mean why not. Right? Right ^.^

 I'll mark a year of my nikah in 4 days. Aah. How I wish he was here. It's going to suck without him. I'm actually secretly praying for him to land at my door on the 8th, which is not going to happen cuz it's just not possible. Sigh. But I still have my fingers crossed.

Hubby never fails to surprise me. Which is pretty cool.. Even though this time I know you're not gonna show up cuz had you been planning to, I would've gotten the hint by now, just how I know what the surprise is gonna be. I'm just cooler you know.

Why do people have to go abroad to study? Really. Pakistan is just equally awesome and is it fair to get married, spend time with your wife, make her feel like she's the luckiest girl on this planet with the awesomest hubby and then just fly away for more than a year so that she rots here shopping and celebrating anniversaries on her own. It's just unfair. Brutal rather.

You do see what you're turning me into, yes? Such a wife.

Social mommies and love sick maids

Don't you just hate hosting dawats? No? You don't? Oh right. How about you have people coming over your house every 4 days out of a 7 days week. Yes? Now you do? Good. Cuz we are on the same page then.

Why do mommies have to call every other newly wed couple over for dawat? Fine, it's a tradition, they are her daughter's in-laws yada yada but they ditched me. okay, I'm not even going to get into that. Just the work. There's hell lotta work to do man.
So, we had this maid who, obviously was in love with her ex-husband and this other dude from her village as well and decided to elope with that village man. As much as I'm happy that she didn't re-marry her ex, which would've been haram ofcourse but, why? Why did she elope? She could've just married that man and still come to work. That would've been better. But oh no no no she just had to run away.

Ugh.

Yes I  have a new maid but she's an old woman who takes off on sundays and my mum wouldn't call her on a sunday cuz awnnn she deserves a break too. She does. Dawats are a pain. i dunno what's gonna happen after rukhsati and I'll learn to cook I know Beena aunty will be there to help but the whole thought is just too scary.

Mum, you shouldn't be raising the bars this high for me.

A Fresh Start

Everything fades away at last and what doesn't you just have to shift+delete it from your brain. Exactly what I've done now. It was high time I'm sure. All my old crappy posts deleted.
I wouldn't have been able to do it without you hubby =)
You know you make everything so much better =)
So here's a new beginning..
much more stronger now and pure =)
You rock my world for real!
I love you =)