And somewhere along it all, I lost.

This deafening silence.
It kills me.
Slowly , very slowly ..

Visa applied.
No more sucky, sad, oh-my-God-I-am-dying kinda posts.
Not that there were too many sad posts.
Ha!
*dances around in joy*

k

Here  I am again. Little one is asleep , so is mum and I lay wide awake. Unhappy.
That's there.
I miss you.
Not that you dont already know.
Difficult times start tomorrow. Rather , much more difficult than the one already being spent.
I miss you.

Mommie-in-law issues?
Nah
Mommie issues?
Since 1990

needles in my eyes

It finally dawned on me during breakfast that 20 days are left till I move out.20.
And that's not alot.

What ensued needs no guesses.

Sigh.

Does the 'Akhri Salaam' make you sad and depressed?
Do you feel the Muharaam air during the 'akhri salaam' time?

I do.

So basically we are not shia, yet, my mum loves to watch Akhri Salaam.

It's just SO depressing. And no I don' feel you my shia brother/sister.

Whatever.

Also, don't you just love it when you don't have to answer? No. More like you do hav to answer but, you don't and the other person just ignores that and walks away making you feel so accomplished? Not because you hate or even have the modest feelings of dislike towards that person but, just because, this silence speaks for itself so much?

Don't you just love it?
Don't you?

And the count down begins

One month left for the big day!!
I don't know if I should be screaming with joy or sulking in a corner thinking my days in this house are about to come to an end. I've seen most girls cry and sulk before the big day and I wonder when the 'baabul ki duain' phase will begin for me.

I still can't feel the depressing air. Or may be I am just too excited to start my new life with the hubby.The whole deal of living with your best friend for the rest of your life is a bliss. Isn't it? I'm so thankful that God has me given me a man who I can call my best friend, my confidant, my annoying pal, my partner in crime, my baby and everything I can ever ask for. I know now, after these 2 years that what was missing. What had always been missing. I was so so stupid to have been seeking for 'you' else where.

This all makes sense now! All the dots join! =)

So all the preparations are complete, Alhumdulillah! Oh nahi nahi I almost forgot one major prep. MY EXAMS!!

2 papers in this attempt and then 4 more in June? Ha! I don't think so. How was I ever going to study? I mean 8 days left for exam and I am not prepared but you can't blame me now can you? Wedding functions start from the 24th and last exam on the 13th. Jokes they be playing on me I tell you.

But that's not what is on my mind right now. I'm gonna flunk in at least one and the hubby is with me in this. So the plan is I flunk and he pays next and supports me through out if I flunk again. No, I'm just kidding.

3 hours since I heard the gun shots. Still can't get them out of my head. The sound is still ringing. The pan wala who owns a cabin downstairs just adjacent to my apartment's other gate is said to be looted, shot and then abducted. His cabin has been there since more than 10 years.

Numb.

I want to puke my insides out.

All Things Gory

I am living in a city of cannibals; breathing an air filled with remorse and the stench of blood. The word 'depressing' does not suffice in the present situation. I can only word my emotions which might sound as artificial as any other person reading a newspaper and then sighing over the fact that we live in such a rotten potty place. I can't even begin to imagine the horrible state of the people related to those who are dead, whose bodies they go on searching and come home with not their loved ones but a bag full of  chopped pieces of the deceased body.
Yes, it's today that I understood the brutal meaning of 'bori bandh laash'  I always thought they just put the body in a sack but it's not like that. They don't even shoot that poor person dead. The person is cut and chopped into pieces. That is how they kill them.
How can anybody be that bloodthirsty? So in human? It's sickening. SICKENING!!
I don't know how we can go about living in this place. Screw patriotism really! Won't you- if offered- run out of this place if given the opportunity?
I wish I was powerful and rich like that. I would fund each and every family and would ask them all to run away. To empty this city and leave it in the hands of those cannibals to feed on each other!